Friday night an incident occurred that I feel is worth telling and would make a good contribution to your collection of self-defense stories.
Friday night after dinner I told my boyfriend, who was living with me, that I had kissed another guy during a one-week period when we had broken up. There was no problem at that moment. I decided to stay home while he went out to the bar that night because I had a cold and wasn’t feeling well. He returned a few hours later after a few beers while I was sleeping. He woke me up and told me to have a beer with him. I told him that I was cold and did not want to get out of bed. He then turned on the heater for a few minutes and then told me to get out of bed. I then told him that I was just not feeling well and did not want any beer. He flipped out at this point and started accusing me of “f* with his head” and lying to him. “So which one is it!?! Are you cold or not feeling well!?! Why do you have to f*with me like that!?!” This was followed by ranting and raving and threats, all of which I had heard before and really weren’t too out of the ordinary.
Any other girl in my position would have gotten up and ran out of the room because of the way he was acting. I was so used to it, though that I just ignored it and figured it would pass without too much harm. NEVER underestimate the threat of violence!
I don’t know how it got to this point, but he finally really lost it and got me in some kind of choke hold. He finally let me out after I did an eye strike (a move I will never forget) but was still on top of me and acting crazy so I started screaming for help and banging on the wall. (I realized the next morning that my neighbor just moved out). He covered my mouth and told me I needed to stop, and then he started choking me again. He was rambling on about something like how he knew I would never forgive him and if he couldn’t have me nobody could. After that he choked me one more time. This time until I couldn’t even move anymore and thought for sure he would kill me. He let go again but kept on trying to grab me. I stayed in the defensive position though, with my arms up in front of me. Defensive stance is another thing that I will never forget. In this position I could at least strike his hands away if he tried to go for my throat again. I eventually coaxed him off of me and I moved slowly towards the door and went down to a friend’s room.
I was actually very surprised how some of the smallest things that I learned in your class helped me the most. The defensive position I have found not only prepares you to strike, but protects vital areas like face and throat. I was so reluctant to move my arms away from my throat that I wasn’t willing to strike him. Right now he is staying with friends and is under the care of a psychiatrist. I refused to press charges because I don’t want to put myself
through that and I feel that he needs mental help. I do have pictures of the injuries if I need it at any point, though. One thing that I have learned from this incident though is, as I wrote earlier: Never underestimate the threat of violence!
I should have seen this coming before. He has attacked me and choked me before, but his outbursts were so
common that I came to disregard them after a while rather than take them seriously and as a warning sign that things were escalating and I was in serious danger. I hope that others can learn not to make the same mistake after reading my story.
Thank you so much Shelsea for sharing your story! It is a great example of the reality of dating and domestic violence and a great success story. Shelsea gave me this story about 11 years ago. She was in her early 20s.